Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's top hosts used the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa program, called the "gold card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas tune targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new plan which allows foreign nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. A government website promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One message here to rich applicants: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, requiring large costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval numbers during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to address affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.